Helping Your Anxious Child Prepare for the New School Year

While there are still several weeks of summer break to enjoy, back-to-school season will be here before we know it. It can be tempting to put off thinking about a new school year, but children who experience school-related anxiety will likely benefit from a bit of prepping ahead of time. Below are some neuroscience-informed suggestions to help your child transition smoothly from the mellow days of summer to the busy back-to-school season. 

1. Begin gradually adjusting your child’s bedtime according to the time they will need to wake up during the school year. A nervous system prone to anxiety needs plenty of sleep to stay regulated. If your child has gotten into the habit of staying up late and sleeping in over the summer, begin gradually adjusting their bedtime by 15 minutes every few days starting a week or two before their first day of school. 

   
   

2. According to the principles of Synergetic Play Therapy, one of four challenges to the brain includes perceptions related to the unknown. Children, especially those who tend towards anxiety, thrive on predictability. Therefore, it is important during times of change to “make the unknown known” to the extent that it’s possible. This could look like taking your child to their school playground over the summer, attending back-to-school events and open houses where they can meet their teacher, and visiting the school’s website. 

   
   

   Similarly, you can make the unknown known to your child’s teacher by letting them know of any particular worries your child has about school, or struggles they had the previous school year and anything that was helpful in supporting them. 

   
   

   For children just starting preschool or kindergarten, storybooks that normalize worries and give information about what to expect can provide comfort and reassurance. A few I particularly like are The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, The Pigeon HAS to Go to School! by Mo Willems, and A Letter From Your Teacher on the First Day of School by Shannon Olsen. (I always recommend caregivers listen to the Youtube read-aloud version of books before buying/reading them with your child so you know beforehand that the book is a good fit.)

3. Support your child in re-establishing social connections that may have lapsed over the summer. Help your child schedule a play date or meetup with a friend who’ll be joining them in the coming school year. Many children, especially those who are shy or socially anxious, will feel more confident about school if they know they’ll have at least one or two solid connections that have been maintained over the summer. 

4. If you have reason to believe your child will have difficulty separating from you at the start of the school day, it is wise not to wait for the first day and hope for the best. Instead, gradually expose your child to situations in which they’ll be apart from you for increasingly long periods. Depending on how separation anxiety shows up for your child, this could look like scheduling a play date with a friend in which you are not present, signing them up for a half-day camp, and/or leaving part of a practice where you usually stay and observe them. The goal is to help your child stretch to the edge of their comfort zone without stepping completely outside it, so they can experience a sense of accomplishment. (Of course, letting your child know the plan ahead of time will be crucial for its success.)

5. Begin scaling back the amount of time your child has been spending on screens if your family has been more laid back with screen time over the summer. Research has shown that teens with high daily screen time use, defined as 4 hours or more per day, experience increased rates of anxiety, depression, and sleep disruption. 

6. Normalize their worries–if your child conveys that they are anxious about school starting, resist any urges to tell them they’ll be fine or they have nothing to worry about. Instead, encourage them to share about any specific worries or fears. If they are able to articulate something in particular, guide them in identifying potential solutions. This could involve role-playing specific scenarios, such as introducing themselves to a classmate or asking the teacher for help. Reassure your child that many children are nervous before the start of a new school year or any significant change, and that being nervous is a sign they care, not that anything is wrong. 

7. Physical activity and the outdoors have both been shown to reduce anxiety in children. Children in particular need time every day to move their bodies, but have limited opportunities to do so during the school day, especially older children and teens. Going on a short family walk, kicking a ball in the backyard, or playing on the playground after school are fun, convenient ways to bring balance to a nervous system in ‘fight or flight’ mode. 

A final thought: Anxiety is a normal human experience when we are starting something new or something we perceive as a challenge. Many children will experience a natural decrease in anxiety as they settle into their new routine and find their rhythm with teachers and classmates. If your child has been back in school for a couple weeks or more and you are noticing signs of ongoing stress such as school avoidance/refusal, difficulty separating from parents/caregivers, frequent somatic complaints, or other declines in your child’s daily functioning and quality of life, it may be time to consider additional support. Play therapy can be a great resource for anxious children to process worries and fears, develop coping strategies, and improve self-confidence and self-esteem at school.