From Baby Talk to Bedwetting: Supporting Your Child with Regressive Behavior

Has your child ever mastered a skill, only to seemingly lose it down the road? This is often referred to as regression. Regressive behaviors are common in young children who are experiencing stress, major changes, or trauma. When their current circumstances feel overwhelming, children may temporarily return to behaviors associated with an earlier developmental stage.

Some common examples of regression I see in my practice include:

• speaking in a younger-sounding voice or using less advanced language, also known as “baby talk”

• having bathroom accidents despite having mastered potty learning or training

• asking for help with tasks they have shown themselves capable of doing independently

• wanting to sleep with parents after having been able to sleep in their own room

• needing to be physically close to parents during the day or being “clingy” rather than playing or exploring independently

• having meltdowns or tantrums more quickly or more often than in the past

*Keep in mind, an occasional incident of one of the behaviors listed above does not necessarily mean your child is regressing. It warrants more attention when the behavior happens consistently. Persistent toileting accidents should also be discussed with your child’s pediatrician to rule out physical causes. If your child has truly lost language, motor, social, or other developmental skills they previously demonstrated, contact their doctor rather than assuming the change is caused by stress.

Why Does Regression Bother Us?

Many parents find these “young” behaviors confusing and irritating. Admittedly, I will at times notice a part of myself becoming slightly annoyed when these behaviors show up in the playroom.

For parents, this often comes down to practical frustrations: “Why does my child suddenly need my help tying his shoes as we’re rushing out the door, when he’s been tying his own shoes for months?”

On a more physiological level, our bodies and nervous systems attune to our child's dysregulation, often causing us to become more emotionally activated as well.

Supporting Your Child With Regressive Behavior

As with most parenting challenges, the first step in supporting your child is noticing what is arising in you in response to their behavior. You may notice yourself physically tensing, using a sharper tone of voice, or having judgmental thoughts about your child’s behavior. Simply noticing your internal experience can be a first step toward regulating your own response.

Next, remind yourself that regressed behavior can be a sign that your child is feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or in need of more connection. Your child is not intentionally trying to annoy you. Their behavior may be communicating that something in their world feels overwhelming or that they need additional support. Allow yourself to become curious about what might be going on in their life at the moment that feels like “too much,” and try to minimize stressors where you can.

It can also be helpful to look for patterns around when the behavior occurs. Does it happen more often before school, after transitions between homes, at bedtime, or when your child is tired, hungry, overstimulated, or separated from a caregiver? Did it begin after a move, loss, new sibling, schedule change, or another stressful event? Noticing these patterns can help you better understand what your child may be responding to and take steps to support them.

Leaning into consistency and routine helps your child’s nervous system feel safe, particularly when there are so many aspects of a child’s life that are outside of their control. Stick to a regular daily schedule and let your child know in advance about any upcoming changes.

When regressive behavior shows up, try to focus on regulating and connecting with your child before correcting the behavior or reminding them of what they are capable of doing. A child who is already overwhelmed may have a harder time responding to reasoning, pressure, or demands for independence. Helping them feel more connected and settled first often makes it easier to return to expectations afterward.

Another simple yet effective strategy is spending daily one-on-one time with your child that is child-led, also known as "special time." Spend ten minutes engaging in an activity of your child's choice that allows you to connect with each other. (I would recommend keeping it screen-free, if possible.) Let your child lead the way in how the activity unfolds. Try to avoid asking lots of questions, and instead reflect back what your child is saying and doing.

Parents may also find it helpful to temporarily offer more support while still communicating confidence in their child’s abilities. For example, you might say, “I know you can put your shoes on by yourself, and today it feels like you need some help. I’ll help with the first shoe, and maybe you'll want to try the second.”

Providing extra support does not mean that you have to let go of all age-appropriate expectations. In some situations, you can acknowledge your child’s need while still holding a boundary. You might say, “You want me to carry you upstairs. I can't carry you, but I can hold your hand while we walk together.” The goal is to balance compassion for what your child is experiencing with confidence in their abilities.

If your child has been demonstrating regressive behavior for several weeks or more, particularly if it is interfering with daily life or relationships, it may be a sign that they are going through something stressful and could benefit from additional support.

Play therapy offers a supportive space for your child to explore and gain a better understanding of their internal world and develop new ways of regulating through difficult emotions or experiences.

If you’re a parent in Littleton, Highlands Ranch, or Centennial, please reach out for a free consultation to see whether I might be the right fit for your child and family.